Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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