My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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