Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
