I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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