I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize