I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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