I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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