WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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