fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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