In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
