It was confusing and full of hummus
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
