he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
