YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize