I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize