after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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