apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
