Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
