Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Let's get the cat blown out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize