I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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