talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
