please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize