meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
