I heard we made out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
