I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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