his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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