yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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