I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
