dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
im on a boat
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