chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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