Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Can I color on your dick again?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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