called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize