My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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