I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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