I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
