susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize