I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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