I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
