So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
