What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
