the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
