Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
