So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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