dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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