"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
