If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
