i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
