WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my poor anus
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
