if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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