super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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