dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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