I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
