WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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