I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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