dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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