Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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