Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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