I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
