You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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