No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
