He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
