is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
