don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
