I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
