So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
