Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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